|
|
01.02.08
Here's the review for Cloverfield.
Now, let me vent a little bit about something that came up during the movie. Cloverfield, as you may have figured out, is a big monster movie. I won't pay any attention to the people who demand to know where it came from and the ones who refuse to consider my very logical, "Weird shit happens, man!" reasoning. So, none of that is for now. My problem is this; sequels. Do I want a sequel for Cloverfield. A lot of people have considered this an American-type Godzilla movie. Godzilla, in Japan (as well as here), has a massive cult status, but the acting/movies have gone downhill. Do I want more access to Cloverfield so I know I can get a little more enjoyment out of it or do I just let it go? What do you guys think? Will there be sequels? Should there be? Same monster species?
Oh, and you jerk-offs who said it was "too soon" after 9/11 for a movie where the city is destroyed, you suck so hard. I hope you choke on your popcorn next time. Choke!
Sweeney Todd may be next, I haven't decided yet.
28.01.08
I have the second season of South of Nowhere finished somewhere. I doubt I'll be down with Season Three. I can't bear to watch it for more than five minutes. I'm sure all four of you are crushed.
I will have a review for Cloverfield up here pretty soon. For some reason, I thought I had already put up AvP, but whatever. Cloverfield is next, and then a movie a friend of mine sent me called Shrooms. Yeah, the title is pretty self-explanatory. Anyway, for now, here's Alien vs Predator: Requiem. Read it!
21.05.07
Here is South of Nowhere: Season Two - Episode Three
12.04.07
Just adding a little bit about South of Nowhere's Second Season
06.03.07
The sound of a fetal heartbeat on an ultrasound unnerves me. It creeps me out like nothing ever has before. When it comes pulsing out over the speaker, you can even feel it and it makes me queasy. In other words, I wish my sisters would quit having babies. I mean, congratulations guys!
And here is the review: Red Doors
Side ramble: I am thinking of making a foray into the world of anime. My last "attempt" was Ninja Scroll, which I really didn't watch willingly and didn't enjoy. I'm not counting the 2 minutes I watched of Oni Tensei before I was psychologically scarred. I think that might be considered hentai anyway. My god, who makes and watches that stuff!? I was scarred! Wounded! Anyway, I was searching for the word "Paprika" on Google, as I do every Monday night and happened upon a trailer for the upcoming anime Paprika. I am intrigued. Sure, I have never really liked anime, but it does involve paprika, so I'm torn. My love of paprika may very well overshadow my un-fondness of anime. We'll find out May 25th! I am certainly not driving to Dallas to watch it in March, although the AFI International Film Festival is calling my name. I'm there in '08, people! Upon further research, it seems my last interest in anime, Tokyo Godfathers, was also by Satoshi Kon. I never got around to watching it though. Mmm, paprika.
Hrm, it seems "Wasabi" is also another film I may be interested in. Nothing good turns up for "Soy sauce". Damn, I was on a roll. Cilantro Y Perejil was a good movie too, although I HATE cilantro. I might be hungry, but apparently only for spices, herbs, and condiments.
I actually had this ready a little bit ago, but ended up pulling a groin muscle and I have been, well, not sober and haven't felt like messing with html or anything. I can't say I am exactly clear-headed at this very moment, but lucid enough. Or something. I'm sure I have more excuses.
25.01.07
What two month break? I kept meaning to watch this movie, so when it was recommended to me again the other night, I decided I should probably just get to watching it. So now I can say, "Why yes! I have seen Me and You and Everyone Else We Know. I'm so glad you asked."
Sidenote: I think I am getting sick.
25.11.06
I'm awfully late with this one and still behind on others. South of Nowhere has been disappointing the hell out of me and so I don't look forward to watching it more than once. Masters of Horror is on the way, though. Anyway, here's Tideland. Everyone should watch that movie.
13.11.06
Okay, I watch Masters of Horror (Second Season) to torture myself, apparently. I honestly, have not enjoyed any of this season, yet. I hate you, Mick Garris, I really do.
Okay, Heartstopper was not much better.
08.11.06
I am rather embarrassed by how much I love the teen TV show, South of Nowhere (Complete First Season). The worst part is, it's not on Showtime or HBO, so there's no chance of nudity or really sexy scenes. Yet somehow, I am still drawn to it and I still try to convince people to watch it every chance I get. Watch it! For the seven people who have no idea how to use torrents, you can see the current season episodes on The-N.
05.11.06
I've gotten to watch a lot of movies because of my father getting sick. When it wasn't my shift at the hospital, I was often sprawled out on a floor somewhere, watching something on TV. I was also taken to a few movies to help me relax.
Somewhere right before my Dad got ill, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning was released to theaters. While I was very much looking forward to see it, I had to be coerced into watching it at a theater.
Seeing Jordana Brewster in The Beginning, I was reminded of the movie D.E.B.S. which I love, if only because of my obsession with Jordana's eyebrows. Meow.
Masters of Horror - Second Season has begun and I am caught up with the first and second episodes already reviewed. On the topic of Masters of Horror, a little throw back to the first season. As I was watching Takashi Miike's Imprint (the First Season episode banned in the U.S.), I began to wonder exactly what guidelines and restrictions the directors received. I know they had ten days to shoot and after looking around a bit, I see they get a budget of just under 2 million dollars. Okay, two million dollars!? Now, I hate the First Season's episodes even more. Not one of those episodes looked like it should have cost 2 million dollars. I'm thinking that perhaps large portions of the budget are going for the one or two recognizable faces they put in each episode. Robert Englund, Angus Scrimm, Steven Weber, Michael Moriarty, hell, even the porn-star Erin Brown probably took a sizable chunk. I'm assuming this not because the actors are worth their paycheck, but merely because the money could not have possibly been spent on special effects or locations. Every single episodes looked surprisingly low budget with the exception of Imprint, although that still didn't strike me as a 2 million dollar budget outing. If it's going to look low budget, then give them a small budget to work with, maybe 10 thousand dollars or a max of 100 grand. None of the known actors are so unbelievable that they couldn't be played by someone else. Movie/TV budgets are out of control.
Now of course, I must watch the obligatory gay movie, so I did just that with Imagine Me & You. Actually, I guess if you count D.E.B.S. (and why wouldn't you?), this would be the second one in a short timespan. Actually, it will be three when the recaps/reviews of the next TV series are listed. It's a surprise.
The last one I will put up for tonight is Strangers With Candy. My crush on Amy Sedaris is intact. Thanks for asking.
I also got a chance to catch a screening of Pan's Labyrinth, Perfume: The Story of a Murderer, and Tideland. I am quite excited about these and I'll have reviews up for them this week. Fantastic.
23.08.06
I cannot remember the last good movie I've seen. I know for certain it hasn't been a recent one. I've been wanting to go to the theater for their cheap matinees but I have seen the one movie they are showing that I am even remotely interested in. That movie was Pulse and it sucked. I'll review it later. And don't suggest Snakes on a Plane. I am actively avoiding that movie.
Here's Queer Duck: The Movie. Arg!
18.08.06
While struggling to watch all of the episodes of Nightmares and Dreamscapes, I kept an eye on the upcoming Masters of Horror series and who they were deciding on adding as directors. To my dismay, they are bringing back a large portion of the first season's directors. The last I heard Landis, Argento, Carpenter, Dante, Hooper, Garris, and Gordon are all back for Season 2. While 3 spots are still unannounced, we do know of 3 new directors brought in. Ernest R. Dickerson, who directed such horror hits as The L Word and the Snoop Dogg fiasco, Bones. I don't know, the last two seasons of The L Word were pretty horrific. He'll be directing something called The V Word for the series, how clever. Next, Brad Anderson, who I am actually excited to see on board considering I enjoyed Session 9 and The Machinist so thoroughly. And the last of the known new trio, Tom Holland, who I think was actually just dug up from obscurity and given a job. I haven't heard about him in almost 10 years, but here he is. I must say, if any of the directors from Nightmares and Dreamscapes pops up as one of the unannounced three directors, I will be skipping that particular episode of Masters of Horror.
Here is the most boring 8 hours of television history, Nightmares and Dreamscapes: From the Stories of Stephen King
21.07.06
Okay, so trying to get out from under the boredom of lesbian movies, I loaded up one I thought would be some kind of Korean horror film and well, it wasn't. The delightfully titled "My Scary Girl" misled me because I am all about scary girls, but the film didn't flop totally and I'll review it here for you. I'm too tired to ramble on about anything. My review of My Scary Girl.
17.07.06
I am really beginning to dislike lesbian cinema. While I have enjoyed some of them, they all had the same exact ending (barring Fire). Either the relationship is torn apart or it is implied that they have a sketchy future. Is it that difficult to make a movie where a lesbian couple can be in love, respect each other, and stay in love without resorting to using them as targets for one-liners and exploitive sex. Lesbianism is not that funny. Bringing up muff-diving or roast-beef curtains is also not funny. If you can write in a straight couple, a lesbian couple is not any different. We can still be monogamous. We can still be stable. We can be respectful and loving. "Lesbian bed-death" doesn't have to come up and you don't have to make one of them baby-obsessed. There are couples out there who merely love and enjoy each other's company. It's not that difficult to understand. So why is it so damn hard for one decent couple to translate onto the movie screen. Or hell, even the TV screen. The one shot lesbians really had was with The L Word and they made that into a circus as soon as they could. More babies. Less monagamy. More bickering. Less sex. The L Word, honestly, makes me want to go punch-happy. This is exacerbated by the fact that the people making/writing the show are big ol' dykes themselves. What happened here ladies!? If this is what your lives are like, I would suggest switching to the other team. Okay, I'm off the lesbian soapbox.
The reason for the outburst? Yeah, this review for Love and Suicide is pretty much what did it for me.
03.07.06
Horror films will probably result in my downfall some time before I am thirty. At the very least, I will have ripped every single hair from my head and knitted it into a sweater for my dog. Rob Zombie has really come bursting onto the horror film scene with his already slick, yet gritty directing style. After seeing House of a 1000 Corpses and The Devil's Rejects and really looking forward to El Superbeasto, his animation project, I find there is news of him directing another Halloween. It seems to be a prequel of sorts, mixed with a liberal dash of remake. It'll chronicle Michael Myer's childhood and then sort of remake some of the first film. The funny thing about this news is that while I am looking forward to his take, apparently I am looking forward to it for the wrong reasons. Let me explain. While playing a rousing game of 10.000, a couple friends and I were talking about the onslaught of remakes and someone brought up that Zombie was doing Halloween, but in such a way that it had nothing to do with Michael Myers. He thought everyone should be excited that Halloween was veering away from Michael Myers and entering whatever setup he had envisioned. I stared at him for a little bit and asked, "If you take out Myers, what exactly is the point of the Halloween movies, minus that third one, at least?" (Those of you who do not know, Halloween III: Season of the Witch had nothing to do with Myers, but rather an evil mask maker.) I told him you cannot have Halloween without Michael, you can't have Child's Play without Chucky, Friday the 13th without Jason, Hellraiser without Pinhead (which is a sore subject with me), and so on. Halloween IS Michael Myers. Nightmare on Elm Street IS Freddy Krueger. No Michael Myers? Call it Kwanzaa or something, that fucker isn't Halloween. Speaking of Freddy Krueger, Robert Englund is taking another stab at movies without his burnt visage. He'll be in Heartstopper and he'll apparently be a good guy. I think it may be his first, I am not sure.
On to something I am more interested in, Alice in Wonderland. I like the story of Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass. The problem is, I've hated every single movie carnation of it, save one. It's the only one I cannot find on DVD; Alice in Wonderland and Alice Through the Looking Glass from TV in 1986. I have the first half (in Wonderland) on a crappy VHS tape that is merely second from snapping and the picture rolls frequently. This TV movie had everyone who was anyone in the 80s, truly. Steve Allen, Sherman Helmsley, Scott Baio, Red Buttons, Sammy Davis Jr., Martha Ray, and freaking Pat Morita among many, many other great actors. I even had a huge crush on Jayne Meadows, the Red Queen. She was a sassy, sharp bitch and I wanted her to hit me with her flamingo croquet mallet. I have actually strayed a bit here. So I like Alice, well, apparently Marilyn Manson is going to give directing a shot with Phantasmagoria, a telling of Lewis Carroll's life around the time when he may have started going bonkers and produced some of his most epic work. I think at the very least, it will be.. different. So keep an eye out for that one.
As I was looking for some random movie information, I happened to stumble upon some very good news for me. After many long years, they are releasing Alice in Wonderland/Alice Through the Looking Glass on DVD on August 1st. Guess who has already pre-ordered? I'm a little scared that I have built it up so much it will not be enjoyable when I finally get to see the whole thing again. Frankenhooker caused a similar experience. I saw it many, many years ago as a pre-teen AT MOST and thought it was hilarious with only a couple shots of boob, but lots of gore. Well, when I bought the DVD of it perhaps a year or two ago, all of its humour seemed to have been replaced with boob and twat shots. It was nowhere near as charming as I found it when I was sneakily watching it after hours on Cinemax when I was 12 or so. Yes, by the age of twelve, I had still only seen a boob or two and had no interest in seeing them that often, nor any other part, male or female.
One more thing (repeated from the main page) and I'll link the reviews you're waiting for. I have been asked numerous times where I found a copy of Revenge of the Unhappy Campers. It was a screener a friend of mine had found in Mexico. If anyone knows where to find another copy, screener or released DVD, please let me know. I have several readers who are very interested in watching the movie. For those who have asked about it, I will keep my eyes open for it and hopefully another visitor to the site will know where to get a copy.
Regarding Saxondale, I was going to review/recap the series, but honestly, I just could not get in to it. I'm not torturing myself for something that probably wouldn't be noticed anyway. So yeah. Added today for your amusement, my review of the horror movie, Camp Slaughter
Christ, PowerAde is disgusting stuff.
26.06.06
I love watching TV programs about skinheads. Right now, I am watching "Skinheads USA: Soldiers of the Race War" on A&E. Don't get me wrong, I do not believe in anything they preach, but I am fascinated by their extreme hatred and dedication to the straight, white race. However, in this particular program something struck me as odd. In showing some people protesting the KKK march, you can hear the mostly-black crowd shouting, "Hey ho, racist crackahs got to go!" Sure, they are not saying that the KKK memebers should be lynched, but I am pretty sure "crackah" is still racist in itself. This has nothing to do with the review I am adding right now, although, the couple in the film were violent psychopaths.
Added today: Karla
18.06.06
First Season of Big Love (Complete First Season) is now over and it does not make me a very happy media addict. While looking through the TV Guide channel and the grim outlook of it all, it seems I will be back to reviewing movies and such. I refuse to review, say, The View (Now with MORE Rosie!!). (Next morning) Something went terribly wrong with what I was trying to get across here. I am not even sure it was all in English, nor can I translate it now. What the hell?
I am already pining for the next glimpse of the Henrickson household. Those Mormon lady killers, dammit! Speaking of which, the average score of the entire season was done by using a basic mathematical average. Had I just been handing out scores, it probably could have been given an extra ,2 or something. But, math is math.
(Next morning) Holy hell, don't try to update while um, un-sober. All of this shit is so out of order.
23.05.06
I like to watch girls prance around. I feel like somewhat of a letch, but I don't really mind. I repeatedly watch Bring It On to see those girls tossed about with twirling skirts and pert boobs. I completely admit it. I went to see this one for a similar reason. No skirts, but showing more of the skin's not so bad either. Too bad the movie was horrible and I'll never watch Stick It again.
22.05.06
Only one more episode of this season's Big Love. I am eager for it, but then I know I will not see another new episode for some time. Something else I am looking forward to is out Thursday, which is the new Dixie Chicks CD. I do not review music well, so, maybe I'll just mention if I liked it or not. Which I am sure I will.
For you guys today, Big Love (First Season): Episode Eleven.
21.05.06
In an effort to actually keep up with my own shit on this site, you will probably see more reviews coming from me. I have some stuff to deal with at the end of the month that may hinder me once again for a while. I'll do what I can to jam as many reviews in here until then. The one I have today is even of something other than Big Love. Shock!
I'm sure you all are aware of my love of horror films, so it'll be no surprise that I reviewed See No Evil
20.05.06
It took some getting used to, but Big Love has me hooked. Supposedly, there is a rumoured six seasons. But for now, Big Love (First Season): Episode Eight, Nine, and Ten.
19.05.06
"God only knows what I'd do without you...", I loved this song dearly before I began watching Big Love. Now, now, if I hear the song one more time, I will kill every living organism within 300 meters of where I am sitting, typing this. You whorebags at HBO ruin everything!
Here's Episode Six anyway: Big Love (First Season): Episode Six. And while I am at it, Episode Seven.
Four days, oh god, I am so excited. I can barely sleep and am having a hard time refraining from girlish squealing and squeaking. I am getting overexcited just typing about my excitement. I may need to go find a paper bag to breathe into.
18.05.06
The 23rd can not come fast enough. I have an unnaturable obsession with the Dixie Chicks (the one with Natalie Maines, not the previous incarnation). I actually own their CDs and DVDs. I didn't download or burn them, they are honest-to-goodness pressed copies. I know their numbers in my CD carousel by heart. Wide Open Spaces is 22. Fly is 151. Home is 284. The Top of the World Tour DVD is in my 5 disc DVD player and has been since I bought it. An Evening with the Dixie Chicks is right next to my TV. I have their BBC and Austin City Limits appearances on VHS. And goddammit, on the 23rd, Taking the Long Way will be in my carousel. If I could find something that represents them without actually using some form of chicken, I would have a tribute to them tattoed on my being. Their music video for the song "Not Ready to Make Nice" is a little creepy at the beginning, but I would still bang two of them and would the third if she didn't have that wibbly eye. I'm picky about those sorts of things. (I think I am generally distrustful of any person with any sort of eye-related disorder.) Sorry Emily, I'm sure you're a lovely person! However, with all my insanity, I still have not heard "I Hope", if someone has any sort of copy of it, let me know. The following review has absolutely nothing to do with the Dixie Chicks. Unless of course, the Dixie Chicks come out with a version of "God Only Knows", which is the opening song for Big Love. I believe planets would collide and I would be at one with the universe upon hearing it. If I was ever filthy rich, I would hire them for that song and listen to it on repeat while lying naked on a thin layer of strawberry-flavoured gelatin.
I've said too much.
I said in the past couple reviews of Big Love episodes that they weren't as interesting as I had hoped. I think it must be some natural wall I put up before watching anything. The past couple days, even though they have been wretched, I kept thinking about Big Love. I was talking to one of my sisters about it and she just stared while I rambled. Then upon the ending of a 15 minute rant and review, she told me, "I have no idea what you're talking about, you know?" No, no, she probably doesn't. I think I will just start yammering to my dog and if she whines, she gets no food. Take that, Daisy!*
Here's the review of Big Love (First Season): Episode Five
* Here I feel I must explain the uncharacteristically girly name for my dig-dog. I got her from a shelter and she was labeled Daisy-Lynn. I got her in December and she was almost three by that point. No matter how many times I called out "Professor Sponge", she would not have it. In a compromise, we (meaning the dog and I) dropped the stupid Lynn part and now she goes by whatever sounds most like Daisy. There is a long list of names that incorporate Daisy in them somehow. My favourite being Daisy Paisy when we're alone or around people in the house and Daisy Daze in public. Oh and also, "Goddamn fuck dog!" when she steps on my face when I am sleeping. For the records, I promise not to post any pictures of said dog.
15-05-06
Someone tell me why they have advertisements for breast milk? Not breast-milk flavoured food product. Honest, breast milk. And if you're going to advertise for something like that, there should at least be good shots of boob. But we got nothing. So I'm not buying your flipping breast milk, madam.
Has everyone seen the trailers for See No Evil? I remember reading about it quite a number of Sundays ago and it seemed like it could be a solid Junior Mints-in-My-Popcorn movie. But, according to the latest trailers, it's about killing because God told him to. I hate that cop out. You could even go for the revenge movie, but dammit, the voices, voices, voices thing has got to go. It's why I like The Hills Have Eyes so much. It's just a "Why massacre them?", then a shrug, "Why not?" kind of level I enjoy so much.
Added today: Big Love (First Season): Episode Three and Four
14-05-06
Goddammit, this show is no where near as interesting as I thought it would be. There's really no cursing. No nakedness except for dude ass occasionally. I can only watch three women be whiny bitches for so long. Here anyway: Big Love (First Season): Episode Two
13-05-06
This is the first episode of Big Love and the only one I have reviewed so far. Honestly, I sort of enjoy having a list like I did with the first season of the more enjoyable than not, Masters of Horror and that damnable Fangoria's Blood Drive II. Big Love just screams to be picked at and studied. However, I am not going to go into extreme detail and pick apart every nuance. Also, unlike Masters, I will be updating the Big Love file as I watch the shows, not when the season is done. This way, things stay fresh and it's junk more enjoyable for me. Here is the pilot episode of Big Love (First Season)
03-05-06
There was a lot of talk over the Oscar winners for Best Picture this year, so much that I think one title in a different category went completely unnoticed and quite unappreciated. Although it did not win for Best Animated Short, The Mysterious Geographic Explorations of Jasper Morello, should be watched by any of those who missed it. I can't say if it's more worthy than the others in the category as I have not seen any of the competition, but this roughly half-hour movie was fantastic and the style of animation was gorgeous. I'll be reviewing it next time around. I'll include some pictures to entice you. If you decide to track it down, you won't be disappointed.
HEY! This is a plea to the two visitors of this site. If you find a DVD copy of Bug Buster, new or used, please let me know. The copy I have is badly in need of replacing. It can be NTSC or PAL and any region, I can handle it all. Don't you two let me down!
The leading lady in Bug Buster, Katherine Heigl, was also in this beast, The Ringer. Enjoy.
29-04-06
I can almost feel every single eyelash push against the air when I blink. I imagine one is trying to make it's escape as I am typing this.
For your reading pleasure, Boy Eats Girl.
28-04-06
I envy people who get drowsy from a single Unisom. I am on my 6th or 7th prescribed sedative/hypnotic for my chronic insomnia. It has been really bad lately. I've had no energy nor really any coherance, so my writing and my drawing has been suffering as I am caught in a mind-drift.
The review, Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic.
27-04-06
I am watching Saved by the Bell as I update this morning. I'm wondering why I watch it even though I completely admit, it's quite a crap show. I knew it when I was younger, I know it now, but I can still tell you the plot of the episode from the first minute or two. I am also fighting with this new medication. It's moving all the text on the screen move about 3mm to the left. It doesn't sound like much, but considering I cannot type and I have to look at the screen, it's making this update quite a pain in the ass.
Here's my review of Scary Movie 4.
09-04-06
You know, they say a picture is worth a thousand words. I figure, I'll add couple pictures to a review and only have to come up with a rousing "This sucks!" or "This rules!". If you don't like the pictures, you can thank Andrew for helping me with them. He's my hero.
The review of The Dark Hours is up.
08-04-06
Why does no one in movies drink anything when they take medicine? Yeah, I know, there are some real badasses who decline liquid when downing medication, but really, I think most people drink a bit of something. If I don't down a whole bottle of water after my pills, they stick in my throat. Of course, it's the only reason I get my daily allotment of water, but whatever it takes, yeah?
On another tangent, if you're ever in a Titanic situation and have a choice of a lifeboat full of sexy, attractive women or a lifeboat full of burly, hairy men, whether you're male or female, take the boat full of dudes! The women will claw their way to safety through any means necessary, possibly maiming you in the process, trust me.
On to the review of The Descent. Enjoy.
04-04-06
Today is my father's birthday and even though I know he doesn't read this, Happy Birthday, Dad!
Here's my review of Stay Alive, a movie I fucking hated.
03-04-06
I've been sick.
Here's the review of Aeon Flux, late I know.
27-03-06
Why do they make every single person on The L Word suffer huge traumas and ordeals one right after the other? They had me pining for Season Two, had me mildly interested for Season Three, but with the showing of Season Three's finale; I think I can honestly say I have NO interest in watching Season Four. I am no longer interested in watching a show about lesbians. Do they realize how crap something has to be for me not to want to watch a show that potentially has tons of naked chicks doing each other? And what was with the lack of lesbian sex? I saw more heterosexual sex on that show than I saw naked ladies going at it. Now for something almost completely off-topic, but with naked ladies; here's the review of Fear of Clowns.
Movies I am looking forward to next week: Slither and Hard Candy. It is HIGHLY doubtful that Hard Candy will even come to the theater near me as it's a sort of controversial subject and we can't have that in my dry, religious town! Heavens to Betsy! Slither had better come as I have been waiting about two years to see it since first hearing rumours of it.
Thank you and good night.
25-03-06
I am trying to be better about updating this place, especially when I actually have something to post. I swear, I'll try harder.. harderer. Up for two: Fun with Dick and Jane and Final Destination 3. Oh happy days!
13-03-06
I have started playing the game, The Movies. Well, I can't really say playing so much as making my actors look the way I want, which usually involves caterpillar-like eyebrows and raccoon eye makeup. Then I slap a bouffant on them and send them to an audition. As I have mentioned, I am afraid of it disappointing me, so I keep putting off starting an actual game. In fact, in an effort to avoid playing The Movies, I played and beat Doom III instead. See how long I put things off!? My studio/computer room/game room is also looking nice and tidy. Here we go, 2001 Maniacs.
12-03-06
I have been doing what I can to review more independent horror cinema. It usually means I sit here trying to figure out how to not fill multiple paragraphs with nothing but bitching. It usually works, but yes, there will be bitching. For example, here's my review of House of the Dead II: Dead Aim. Enjoy.
08-03-06
When I was younger, our backyard fence was actually also a border for the local cemetary. Try as I might, I could never catch any evil afoot, even when I tried to make it up. A conversation between my older brother and I would often go as follows:
Me: There's someone in the cemetary walking around!
Brother: That looks like a deer.
Me: Maybe it's a zombie deer.
Brother: No, it just looks like a deer.
Me: Looks at it's eyes shining! It's possessed!
Brother: Deers have more light reflecting cells in their eyes, that's why they shine.
Me: Thanks Mr. Wizard. I'm going to go watch TV.
Having logical siblings never was one of my favourite childhood memories. To this day, I still try to find some undead activity between the tombstones, which sounds remotely vulgar now that I think about it.
Tobe Hooper is really losing his horror touch. Here's Mortuary, which I considered more comedy than horror. Maybe we can call it "comror", "horedy"? Read the review and leave me alone.
07-03-06
I can't necessarily say I wanted to see Date Movie and because I got in free, I could probably use that old stand-by, "Even though I didn't pay for it, I still wanted my money back.", but I won't. I am sure I'll find another cliche to use, don't worry. The Scary Movie franchise receives my money. Naked Gun is especially good at making me snicker after all these years and viewings, but I can guarantee Date Movie will not be in any sort of rotation at my house.
I, and I am sure it's weird, do not like it when actors imitating famous singers win awards. When Jamie Foxx won for Ray, I was a little peeved. (I would have chosen Don Cheadle.) Now with Reese winning for her impersonation of June Carter, I am back in the peeved state. (I would have picked Felicity Huffman.) The award almost becomes an award for that singer, not the actor. How could they diss Ray Charles? Impossible. And Johnny Cash by way of June Cash? Inconceivable! What they did do right; giving Philip Seymour Hoffman the win for Capote and not bowing down to the intense pressure to give in to the gay crush of Brokeback. I enjoyed Crash far more than Brokeback Mountain. I'll explain more next time. But for the records, awards and award shows are mainly big Hollywood dick-slobbering fests. Anyway, read the review for Date Movie.
05-03-06
As a young child, I had an odd fascination with anything German and even today, I still have this obsession with it. However, I would be completely willing to destroy the country I love if I was assured Uwe Boll would go down with it. A little extreme? Maybe for you.
Here I am reviewing BloodRayne and at the same time, torturing myself over and over again. On the same topic, can someone confirm the apparent lesbian going-ons in either one of the BloodRayne games? If so, I can finally do something other than making my Sims "Woo-Hoo!" in the hot tub occasionally.
|
|