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Strangers With Candy
What's shakin', Red? The carpet match the drapes?
You probably could not find a person more invested in the success of this film, barring the people who actually invested money, time, and thought into it, than me. I watched Strangers With Candy on television when it was on. I watched it later on the DVDs. I have a goddamn Strangers With Candy tattoo. So where was I the first day of release for this long-awaited film? I'll tell you. I was at home sitting in front of my computer, looking at the local theater's screen times and noticing that they didn't even have Strangers with Candy as an option. I checked for next week because sometimes we're a little behind, nope, nothing. Weeks later, while I was out of town, I managed to catch it on one of the local screens. I could not be anymore underwhelmed with the movie that played before me. I certainly didn't hate the movie, after all, the characters I knew and loved were there, but something was missing. Forgive me for using the cliche, this film lacked heart. Was this an attempt to cash in on the Strangers cow before it is completely forgotten about? It certainly seems that way. Why'd you have to go do this to me, guys?
We're introduced to two of the four main characters when Jerri is assigned to Mr. Noblet's class. She further introduces herself for the class and us, "Hello, I'm Jerri Blank and - and I'm an alcoholic. I'm also addicted to amphetamines as well as main line narcotics. Some people say I have a sex addiction, but I think all those years of prostitution was just a means to feed my ravenous hunger for heroin. It's kinda like the chicken or the nugget. The point is, I'm addicted to gambling. Thank you. Oh, and... my daddy's in a coma." With a winning speech like that and her ugly, scrunchy visage, how could she not garner oodles of friends as she walks down the hallway? Mr. Noblet despises Jerri, well, despises everyone, except his on-off again lover, art teacher, Mr. Jellineck. As we are meeting Principal Blackman, we also learn that Flatpoint High School is filled not only with crappy students, but also with wretched teachers. The school board is giving Principal Blackman an ultimatum; either improve the students or teachers' skills or give back all the money. Already misappropriated, Principal Blackman decides to have a science fair for the students. When a new, admired teacher arrives at Flatpoint, Mr. Noblet is threatened and is determined to win the science fair for himself. I never knew teachers could actually participate in the science fair, so I'll assume he's just their mentor. I am also basing this assumption on the fact that neither Noblet nor Jellineck are all that particularly smart and I certainly wouldn't want them assing up a project I worked long and hard on.
So we know the plight of 3/4ths of the main characters, what about Jerri? Oh yes, Jerri's dad is in a coma. In fact, he is in such a coma that nothing short of Jerri doing something miraculous will bring him out of his sleep. She thinks of becoming an honor roll stupid, but quickly dismisses it. Spelling-Bee Champion also goes by the wayside. Then a lightbulb goes off, "The Science Fair!" Fantastic, now all of our characters are involved in the geek-fest that was the high school Science Fair. So really, it's our main cast trying to beat out the "villain", former school teacher, Roger Beekman. Yes, it actually is sort of boring. Thank you for noticing. No worries, the day is saved. Jerri's dad comes out of the coma, sort of. Blackman gets to keep his ill-gotten gains. Noblet and Jellineck can go back to fondling each other in the bathroom. It's quite the happy ending.
Here's the sad part though. There is no way there was as much effort, as much heart, that went into writing this as their was for the TV series. In the movie, a lot of the jokes fell flat. Quite a few jokes just weren't jokes at all. Some clever visual gags were present but they were nothing like they were in the television series. It almost felt like they would scare off potential investors if they notched up the "dirtier" parts of the series. Instead, we get an incredibly safe version, which also makes it an incredibly boring version. I still have a crush on Jerri Blank/Amy Sedaris, but I think I will stick to just watching the Season DVDs. I think between all those talented writers, this movie could have been extremely hilarious while being smart with a smattering of low-brow humour. You messed this one up, guys.
1.5 / 4.0
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