Queer Duck: The Movie

Queer Duck, he's intellectual. Queer Duck, he's homosexual!

In an effort to connect with my homosexual avian audience, I have decided to review Queer Duck: The Movie. Technically, I am watching it to see if at least one "gay-themed" movie will have a positive ending or at least not one where all the arrows point to abuse, deceit, or suicide. The fact that I am having to watch a cartoon movie in hopes of catching such an ending is rather ridiculous. I guess no one wants lesbians to live happily-ever-after. If someone knows of a lesbian movie that ends with the initial/plot couple in a healthy and happy relationship with one another, please let me know.

Okay, wow, I had no idea this was a cartoon movie. Now that I think of it, I don't think any cartoon has had such an openly gay agenda as the one showcased here. I have a feeling they are trying to have fun with homosexuals, not so much make fun of them. Even at that, they seem to be focusing most on the male homosexual audience, not necessarily their lesbian counterparts.

I am not sure if there is an actual plot line for this movie, but after our second blowjob reference and the first musical number, we see Queer Duck wondering if perhaps it would be easier to be straight, much to the chagrin of his male partner, Openly Gator. And because we have only begun the onslaught of stereotypes being whipped around by every character, we are also treated to the first female character. She seems to be a "fag hag" obsessed with plastic surgery. If Joan Rivers and Kathy Griffin mated with a flamingo, they would spawn this character. After Queer Duck helps her win a Tony, she proposes marriage and Queer Duck is at once excited and confused. Should he hop the fence? Does he really want balls flying at his face? He's off to tell his traditional Jewish family that their queer son is marrying a woman and will be attending a session at Homo No Mo'. They are all quite proud. They even have balloons and confetti ready and waiting for the announcement. Sometimes I wish my parents had been horrified by my "outing", if only so I could have some sort of story to tell later. I can only stretch their response of "Yeah, Anj, we know. We've known for a while." into so many seconds of an interesting anecdote.

The fine folks at Homo No Mo' manage to turn Queer Duck into a raging male-chauvinist pig who is quickly married to his mostly silicone hag bride; while downstairs, Rosie O'Donnell is polishing off the multi-tiered wedding cake. The wedded bliss does not last long as Lola drops dead, supposedly from one multiple-orgasm too many. Queer Duck decides he will only ever be happy again if he can go back to his flaming, fabulous self. This movie is chock full of gay references from any time in the past 50 years, with special attention paid to current pop culture. So much supposed gay stuff was flying past the screen, I have no idea if some of the stuff I saw was even related to gay-ness, at all. Is Emilio Estevez a fag? Do homosexual men like clown paintings? I apparently need to have the Gay Handbook out while watching this, just so I can look up half of these things. I'm honestly not that up to date with gay culture.

I know I have oft complained about there not being enough gay-themed film work out there, but I think Queer Duck: The Movie may have filled the quota within the first 20 minutes.

Jimmy couldn't master masturbation!
Shangalang.. he's banging on his wang!

In fact, there is such a gay overload, if there was gay diabetes, I would have a full blown case of it. While I know stereotypes are likely based on facts, I would never want to meet the people who inspired the makers of this short film. They would have to be so insanely over the top, I would want to kill them within moments of our meeting. Gay-on-Gay bashing! While this entire film was probably supposed to be taken as tongue-in-cheek, it actually shows what I think upsets most homophobes in this world of ours. When groups of us get together, apparently we become determined to shove our sexuality down throats. Gay relationships are fine with me, as are straight ones, but if a straight couple was constantly pawing all over each other while wearing inappropriate clothing and yelling, "We're straight! We're great!" in my ear every time I walked by; I think I would be a little, um, peeved at the straight community as a whole. Yep, I am indeed part of the problem. This movie wrapped every single one of those horrible stereotypes into one Flash-animated, seventy minute, barely coherent spectacle.

I hope like hell I wasn't supposed to identify with this movie. Hell, I didn't even find the damn thing all that interesting, especially with its reliance on low-brow humour for the majority of the laughs. The voicework was pretty good considering I am damn sure this thing was animated with Flash. Not only Flash, but it looks like something I would doodle while on hold on the phone. That being said, my trying to work Flash is like letting a blind chimp slam away on the keyboard. If you absolutely love gay humour, or you're a fag hag, or just a really big fan of JM J. Bullock, watch this one. Everyone else, don't bother.

1.2 / 4.0

.. Posted by Anj Kay