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D.E.B.S. - Short
Tonight's presentation is for people who like to watch chicks shoot guns and make out. Viewer discretion is advised.
Obviously, with such a warning, how could I resist? I like chicks, I like guns, I like making out with chicks, and I live in Texas which means said chicks usually have guns. The D.E.B.S. short seemed like it should be 9 minutes of perfection. So, why was I left so disinterested? I couldn't even blame it on being amateurly shot because it was actually shot and produced quite well. I think the blame goes squarely on the actresses picked to play the D.E.B.S. I'll explain.
The D.E.B.S., in this short, consist of a group of three girls out to rescue one of their fallen comrades, Amy. Amy, however, is willingly in the arms of the enemy unbeknownst to her team. So while her friends are swooping in for a dramatic, bullet-filled rescue, Amy is getting it on with arch-nemesis, Lucinda Reynolds. Yep, this is where the chicks make out. There's a problem, though. The actresses playing Amy and Lucinda looked almost bored while getting their freak on and when it was said and done; Lucinda didn't even get off. Geez Amy, how about a little reciprocity? The girl is risking life and limb to show you some lovin'. So while the two looked apathetic, at least their acting was not making the fillings in my teeth ache. I absolutely abhored the other team members with the exception of Janet. If it had not been for Janet's character, played by Jill Ritchie, I probably would not have watched the full-length D.E.B.S. movie willingly. Ever. And trust me, that says something, as I watch almost any lesbian thing that comes out in the theater or on VHS, DVD, Betamax, LaserDisc, home video, or freakin' YouTube. My main gripe with the actresses mainly comes from my dislike of Tammy Lynn Michaels as the leader of the group, Max. I'm sure she's a lovely person and it's nice to have an actual lesbian in the cast, but I have never seen her as a particularly strong actress. I never watched the show, Popular, but I know I disliked her character when she popped up on The L Word.
So I liked the premise and Janet (with her sweater-fetish), but overall didn't really enjoy the short in its entirety. I have no idea why I was looking forward to the movie so much when I heard it was being made. Janet's power is legendary! You can watch the full short here (on YouTube) if you are interested.
1.0 / 4.0
D.E.B.S. - Movie
You need to speak French or English. Frenglish is not a language.
I'm just going to put it all out there. I loved this movie. I adored the writing, the cast, the goofiness, and the almost lack of a plot entirely. This movie is about two girls falling in love, period. Angela Robinson, the writer and director, made the wise decision of throwing in tough girls with big guns and short skirts just in case someone wasn't interested in the love story. (Robinson looks remotely like an older version of the girl I dated in high school.) I call it wise not because people shouldn't be interested in the love story, but mainly because I think almost everyone likes looking at girls in short skirts. Even the gayest of gay men would stare at Max's ass when she walked by, if only to makes notes for their Halloween costume.
The story is slightly different from the one in the short. We still have the hero falling in love with the villian, now named Lucy Diamond, but we get more story between the actual members of the D.E.B.S. (Sector 1) and some of the seduction between Amy and Lucy. Luckily for me, the entire cast has been swapped out with the exception of the lovely Jill Ritchie who reprises her role as the sweater-obsessed Janet. However, my favourite re-casting would be of Jordana Brewster (and her eyebrows) taking over the character of Lucy. I would almost be willing to wear a short plaid skirt if I thought it would guarantee an interest by Ms. Brewster. I'm gushing.
We open to the inside of the D.E.B.S. house with Max, the leader, waking everybody up and trying to get them to school on time. Amy is trying hard to break up with her boyfriend. We're soon informed by the headmistress that Lucy Diamond is back in the States and meeting up with a Russian assassin. Amy is soon questioning why a criminal mastermind would be meeting up with a trained assassin. I think it's obvious. It's a blind date! The girls are soon spying on the date high above the table not noticing that other agencies are also hovering among them. Great spies they are. When Amy's bracelet lands in Lucy's consomme, all hell breaks loose and the bullets start to fly. After a run-in, Lucy is instantly smitten with Amy and devises plan upon plan to be with her, going so far as to mock-kidnap her so they can spend time with one another. But soon, the entire D.E.B.S. force is out to find Amy and get back at that "bitch" Lucy. The entire search comes to a screeching halt when they find Amy and Lucy in a compromising position. Forced to explain her time with Lucy was the worst thing that has ever happened to her, things look bad for our intrepid love-birds. Upon spying Lucy eavesdropping in the rafters, Amy confesses her love and the two drive away into the sunset. Well, they do after Max threatens Lucy's life a couple more times because that's what you do when the villian is boning your best friend, right?
Honestly, this movie is no Oscar contender but it's certainly not a blemish on anyone's resume. I think Ms. Brewster probably gained a fuckton of lesbian fans after appearing in this movie. Although I can't say this about Sara Foster (Amy) and it's probably just wishful thinking, Jordana actually seemed like she didn't mind kissing another chick. I'm certainly not saying she's gay, simply that she looked like she really put herself into the part and I respect that. (And it's about goddamn time someone did!) It makes me a little sad that it took a not-to-be-taken-all-that-seriously, campy movie to bring on the sweet kissing, so thank you Jordana for your performance. While movies that are supposed to be more serious feature women who would seem to prefer kissing a hot pan. I will admit, most of the time, once Lucy's lip-synching is over (probably my favourite part); I tend to turn off the movie. Not because it's horrible, but because most of the making out scenes are then through. I love the movie, but admittedly, I watch it for Lucy and Amy together, having fun, enjoying each other and not for the vindication of Max and the other D.E.B.S. I can see how this movie might not interest everyone, but anyone with a sense of humour could probably get something out of it. There is a blue-haired lesbian dancing like a rabid monkey featured in a scene, so I recommend it, if just for that.
3.6 / 4.0
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