Big Love: Season One

God only knows what I'd be without you..

I know a lot of people don't have HBO in their cable subscription. Hell, I don't have HBO anymore, either. Apparently, this show is about polygamy, but not the exploitive, "Oh shit, they are psycho. They must be brainwashed." kind. I just found the whole idea rather interesting. Because they dropped the two characters I adored from The L Word, I will take up watching this show. I'll introduce the characters in this paragraph so I do not have to repeat everything with each entry. There is Bill Paxton as Bill Henrickson, the husband. Then there is Jeanne Tripplehorn as Barb Henrickson, I think she was the first wife as she is quite a bit older than the other two. Chloë Sevingy as second wife Nicki Hendrickson and Ginnifer Goodwin as the third wife, Margene. There is also about 6 kids running about. I don't know whose kids are whose at this time. Because I am just now watching the first episode, I can only imagine. On we go.

Pilot: The first episode is titled quite cleverly as "Pilot". I'm glad they told me, I would have been completely confused from the get-go. This episode is really just a way to flesh out each family member and all the work that goes into having three women and their babies in the house at one time. Even in this episode, you can already feel some of the tension of having to share a husband. Although, they are being quite scientific about it, by making a "visitation" chart. 3 days with one, three with another, and three with the last one. Then it starts again. I cannot honestly tell you if any part of this depiction is true, but there were reports of women who left polygamy, and saying that the TV show is doing well in portraying the family group. There is also hinting at the mother of Bill, may be poisoning her husband. It's not proven..yet. I am enjoying the show so far, but if the whining continues to be a running theme in the show, I won't watch it anymore. It's already annoying. Help me out here, if you take Viagra and your daily assigned wife doesn't want to get it on, really, couldn't you just go use one of the other two? 2.8 / 4.0

Viagra Blues: You would think getting to bone different girls whenever you feel like is a good thing. I believe these thoughts are sugar-coated and once you realize that you have multiple women in one house and you're fucking all of them and you know damn well what kind of cattiness one woman can churn out; let alone multiplying that cattiness by three. It's enough to bring the strongest person to their knees. Hell, it's even making me rethink the idea of even one person co-habiting with me. I may very well even kick out my dog.
This episode is mainly about Barb and Nicki becoming aggravated and jealous over the extra time Bill is spending with Margene. While Margene is jealous of the same thing. It's kind of neat that they seem to have set up a little compound with three houses, one for each wife. Meanwhile, Bill's father is dying slowly, perhaps from a poisoning, and there is some mysterious goings-on with an old man in a cowboy hat and "The Compound", where I assume the Grand Wizard of Polygamy lives. I still have no idea which kids belong to each woman. As this second episodes rolls on, I wonder, "Does the first wife have any say about the second? Does the first and second have something to say about the third? Are there STD checks?" And I am automatically assuming they have no attractive women in Utah, so perhaps I am glad the men take a dozen or so out of the running. My eyes are glazing over as Bill delivers a "love sermon", a cross between Moses and Cupid, to Margene, who then does what she has done the entirety of this episode; she whines about needing a car. As a final thought, again I ask, why the hell does every person on TV or in movies take a pill dry? It even says on the side of most bottles to drink a full glass of water with it. And a final final thought, this show isn't nearly as enticing as I thought it would be. Will that stop be from updating it? Nope. 2.1 / 4.0

Home Invasion: So we start Episode Three with Margene getting her beloved car. Secrecy abounds with Nicki planning a birthday party for her kid, Wayne. It seems like the other wives are also keeping some secrets. Apparently Bill does not want to spend a hojillion dollars on renting a hotel and letting 153 people attend a small child's birthday party, rightfully so. Bill's mother has been escaping her hovel by crawling through a tiny window in the back, mainly because of her husband sitting facing the front door with a loaded shotgun. It's beginning to show that it's harder and harder to hide the fact that you're a part of the Poly-Mafia. In a bid to stop the questions from the neighbour, Barb goes overboard on reiterating that there was only one wife to one husband. With each sentence it was almost like she was trying not to yell,"WE'RE NOT POLYGAMISTS! WE ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL! Here, have a cake. Made by one wife. Me. The only wife. Barb. Me." Alright, the first breakthrough, "Man in the Cowboy Hat" is Nicki's father and quite apparently is hated by Bill. Maybe he gave the family some money, paid some bills, greased some palms. What is truly pitiful is that there are dozens and dozens of people at a 5-year-old's birthday party and there is not one other child around his age. (Sidebar: I don't know who this one girl is, but she is creeping me out. I am pretty sure she'd stab your heart out with a Barbie leg if you pissed her off or even scuffed her shoes.) It is odd that Bill's parents aren't mad at him for having three chicks, but more because of the age of the newest girl. The creepy girl ended up being Cowboy Man's wife-to-be. As a final note, I hope I am grossly wrong, but it looked like Nicki was giving her father a blowjob. So, I either hope she wasn't or at least hope I am wrong about that being her father. God, I hope it doesn't take the whole season for this to get interesting. 2.4 / 4.0

Eclipse: I have to say, I really like the song they play during the opening credits. I always have. I know it's "God Only Knows" but I am not sure as to the artist. I think it's The Beach Boys. Anyway, love the song. Let's proceed before I write a whole paragraph about the opening credits. We're off to an entertaining start. Bill comes home late to snuggle up with Margene, who tells him it's Nicki's night, and Nicki tells Bill that she switched with Barb. Upon throwing back the covers on his side of the bed with Barb, one of the kids is snuggled in there. The dude has three wives and three beds, yet he's sleeping on a couch. A show of the older son drooling in his sleep, leads to it looking like he wet-dreamed on his own face.And here's a part I was actually wondering about, Nicki is being grumpy because she riding the Crimson Tide and all; they say women who live together tend to adjust to a common cycle. I can only imagine Bill trying to get laid without gaining his red wings because if Nicki is any example, Bill's not getting jack.
Bill's being sued by "The Prophet of Juniper Creek", who runs a Poly-Mafia compound and is also Nicki's father, who was substantially pissed that Bill left the compound with his daughter. Nicki is forced to go to her father for money she desperately needs for bills Bill doesn't know about. Our cursing count is now at, uh, 1. Bill, along with a couple friends and his son, but they are praying about hunting straight and having the deer killed quiet and quickly. Meanwhile, Nicki is getting advice from Suze Orman, the famed financial advisor on TV, or whoever she is. And how does one wife rack up almost 60.000 dollars worth of debt without her husband or other wives knowing? So, the older girl has decided to go to a party, for which she dumped her other friend and for whatever reason, they are swigging bottles of cough syrup and listening to Bjork. Personally, that sounds like complete flipping hell and I would rather be punched in the kidneys. Her dumped friend comes to the rescue when she passes out on the lawn. Seriously, Bill has been troubled since the beginning. I almost feel like there should have been an episode before the Pilot, just so I know exactly what the hell is going on. The catfighting between the wives was kind of funny, though. 2.6 / 4.0

My god, these reviews are getting longer. The final episode is going to turn into my first novel. I find myself looking forward to watching this show. I doubt I could watch them over and over, but they are swell the first time through. Bill goes through Viagra like candy! How the hell does he afford three families and a billion tabs of Viagra? I am presuming Pfizer is personally sponsoring this entire series and that the actors are all paid in blue pills and lube.

Affair: We open to Barb and Bill making uncomfortable conversation with some councilman and then we get Bill's googly eyes focused in awe over Barb. Now we're in a grocery store where the other two wives are bitching about Barb's job. Well really, it's Nicki bitching and Margene picking up crap that the kids are knocking into the aisles. It's the whole sibling chain with the wives. The top one does what she wants and gets to shit all over the middle one, while the middle one takes it out on the younger one and then the younger one gets a car. And what did I get? Nothing! Um, yeah.
If there is one more mention of Viagra, I will probably start taking it myself. We find out know that Barb has absolutely no sense of discretion as she is flailing and wide eyed when Bill calls her during Margene's, uh, shift, to hook up for a little more action. Someone tell me this is bullshit. Is there really such an office position as "Polygamy Czar"? They are fucking with us, right? Apparently the Polygamy Czar has no Caller ID or Call Return, as Bill and an employee make up an anonymous tip regarding Roman, the head of Juniper Creek and Nicki's father. I cannot figure out for the life of me if I find Chloë Sevingy attractive or repulsive. For some reason, the fact that I automatically think of her as the raped chick in Kids doesn't help. And while thinking of her, I am treated to probably the most erotic scene with a drill press ever. The oldest son agrees with me by sporting some wood.
Bill is quite the smooth talker, but he's also a steadfast liar and I hope it does come crashing down around him. It's not the polygamy I have a problem with, it's his being deceitful with all of his wives. However, the facts of Nicki's web-weaving and making up of reasons for Bill's odd behaviour is rather amusing. But if you're having to go to a hotel to sex up one of your own wives, there needs to be some kind of family discussion. Margene has found a friend in the neighbour across the street and this is threatening the secrecy of the Henrickson clan.
Oh ho ho, Bill's lies are coming around to kick him in the pills. And apparently, they are blue pills because he can't seem to get enough of Barb's uh, bounty. Also, the Mormon mafia hunt your ass down while driving a set of matching Monster trucks. The Viagra is doing it's job as we close to Nicki announcing she is knocked up. Whether it's true or not is suspect, at best. 3.0 / 4.0

Roberta's Funeral (f.k.a Splinter) It has got to be a pain in the ass to hide practically your entire life from anyone and everyone. Let's stop the hate people. Maybe I need more wives, you know, for scientific purposes. "Give me a baby, Bill. Give me a baby, Bill. Give me a boy, Bill." is probably the least sexiest things one could say during sex. Especially if your name is not Bill, but really. It's on the "Are you coming yet? Did you come?" level of sexiness. Listen ladies, keep your trap shut. On some other tangent, Bruce Dern is not human. He's a corpse stuffed with sawdust. I also have suspicions that Bill Paxton is a robot. Both of these will become public, you'll see.
Bill leaves the ladies to catfight and scheme while he goes to visit his mother in Juniper Creek and to go to the funeral of one of his other "moms". I realize people may think polygamists are weird, but do the polygamists themselves have to prove it by wearing actual Puritan outfits? Bonnets and skirts and hats with buckles on them. The people in the United Effort Brotherhood are some scary people, seriously. You always hear about "brainwashing", but it's goddamn true in Juniper Creek.
I think this episode is mostly about Bill's father being a dick for all sorts of reasons to all sorts of people. And coffin shopping. Do they have coffins in Home Depot? I never knew. At the homefront, Ben, the eldest son is patrolling between the three houses. And I believe he is a little jealous of the neighbour lady getting Margene's attention. Also, toy-bombing is probably the best term I have ever heard. I would so back a Toy War. Oh god, don't make me go through old people phone sex. No, no, no. Rhonda, Roman's youngest wife-to-be at 14, is one creepy bitch, which makes Roman all the more disgusting. Quit letting that girl sing! It actually pains me in it's squirrelyness. Bill has finally grown a pair and confronts Roman about all the harassment.
A mix-up at the Home Plus leaves Nicki looking adorable between two doofy security "officers". Finally, Nicki and Barb are trying honesty for a change. Okay, scratch that honesty part out. Considering I am writing out stuff as I am watching, I bet these jumbles of sentences don't make much sense. Read these while watching the show. It will probably become four thousand times as clear or it might not. There didn't seem to be all that much action in this episode, but a lot of things got explained and cleared up. It was a fruitful episode. But goddammit, get rid of Rhonda. She seriously creeps my shit out. 3.0 / 4.0

Eviction Ginnifer Goodwin is a tad bit adorable, not her character Margene whom I find a little too loopy for my own tastes, but actually Ginnifer. Bill Paxton just is not a very good actor, he's just so wooden (no pun intended considering all the Viagra). I just do not understand why women talk to you when you're asleep and then get pissed when you don't respond.
Okay, Bill and Barb's "affair" is getting to be a little ridiculous and it's starting to get boring. I just want to yell at Nicki to flipping confront Barb and get it the fuck over with. And as long as Rhonda continues to appear in episodes, they will never get a score higher than a 3. I truly hate that child. I am, however, glad that my neighbours are somewhat afraid of me because if they were as intrusive as this clan's neighbour; I would have to have her killed. I'm strapped for bail money right now. Also, their lies are getting harder to cover-up. Margene told a splendid one about her husband dying in the Gulf War. You know, the one that happened about 15 years ago, when she was probably, 6. Are LDS missionaries really this creepy? Oh shit, I have the same bracelet as the gay drifter. It's like they are taking a page right out of my life. Also, Chloë has looked like a mass-murderer this entire episode. Tina Majorino is actually shaping up to be a mostly attractive teen. I hate to say it, but I think it's because she lost some weight. However, when I think about her being in Corrina, Corrina; I start to feel like a pedophile. Holy shit, Roman's son is a goddamn whack job. Speaking of whacking, Bill is trying to impregnate Nicki and he can't seem to keep it up and then I feel a little sad for her because she knows about the hot, steamy hotel sex Barb is getting. Through a nosy employee, Barb finds out about Nicki's increasing debt. Secrets on secrets on secrets! I feel a little better about my debt when Nicki admits to 58.000 bucks worth. Considering almost all of her characters end up crying in some way, you would think Chloë would be much better at it.
So, the Eviction in the episode title wasn't the clan's eviction, after all. It was Bill's father and some of his other family. I am wondering if Bill's mother is slightly retarded or if she is developing a fine case of Alzheimers. Su madre está loca! This episode of Big Love was rather cryptic. I am sure I was personally insulted somewhere in this episode, you bastards! I don't like being outwitted by a cable TV show. 2.5 / 4.0

Easter If the Henrickson's Easter is anything like my own family's feasts, I am sure this one will quickly turn into a Mormon version of Hell with Frank (Bill's father) leading the descention. Frank really is an asshole, I want to strangle him, as do the people on the show. The show begins with Frank and his wives taking over Bill's house because one of the wives' crockpots burned their motel rooms down. Bill has some sort of panic attack and Margene takes him to the emergency room. The doctor, figuring out the Viagra ingestion, tells him he's too old to be doing the deed so many times during the day. Bill and Roman really begin their legal battle in this episode. Courts and legal-ese are so darned interesting to me. I am yawning right now. Frank further disgusts me and everyone else by peeing in the sink, constantly. Frank's wives twitter about, generally annoying everyone in their presense. To add to the trouble, Nicki is reaching out to an uncaring mother about getting out of debt without dragging Bill into it. There are too many names being flung around so I have no idea what to call all these people. EASTER DINNER SHOWDOWN! Frank is being an asshole and Bill's brother and his wife run out of the house. His wife then demands he get in the car and she tries to start the car with a huge screwdriver. After trying to talk to Roman, Bill and his brother gets into fisticuffs with the people who now live in his mother's house. And they kick some ass! Man, Mormons are fiesty. While Bill is away, Nicki confronts Barb and asks if the "affair" is over. Barb quickly answers "Yes." Nicki is now filled with so much glee she could probably orgasm by someone touching her elbow. Holy shit, Roman's 14 ninja wives swarm around Bill with one screaming, "Get his privates, get his privates!" Sassy broads. Bill comes home to find Frank, well, coming in his home.. with Bill's mother. This leads to Bill getting it on with Barb. Fascinating. 3.2 / 4.0

A Barbeque for Betty They're lying when the first credits roll. You see a nice little family, one calm man, three calm mostly attractive wives. But no, this show is filled nearly to the brim with ugly people and goddamn children. Dispositions and looks both, ugly. I know I've heard about the 62 wives and 800 children thing, but cripes, have a little mercy on us.
In their lawyers' office, Roman and Bill sign off on whatever agreement they agreed upon and Roman gets his beloved guitar back. They passed that agreement around like Tetris. That probably doesn't make sense, but if you watched it. Okay, maybe the fellows can help me out here, what is the point of yelling out, "Here it comes! Here it comes!" when having actual vaginal sex? That's about as sexy as the, "Did you come?" line. It's not like we're doing a crossword puzzle while you're pumping away. Geez. Televised sex only causes me questions. We get to see some boob this time though, instead of the normal Bill's ass, because she's riding him. She decides that during "afterglow" that she should tell him about her 60 thousand dollar debt. I am sure his dick just retreated inside. Soon, Nicki is running down the street after Bill's car.
Some crazy accordian lady has come into the home to practice for his friend Don. The same Don that tried to help trick Roman. He is gaining a fourth wife, Betty, and Bill and the other wives are throwing a barbeque at the Henrickson compound. Upon hearing that there was a vote between the wives to let Betty on "the gang", Margene asks, "What vote?" and proceeds to grill Nicki and Barb for information. Nicki, in particular, gets pounded when Margene finds out it wasn't a unanimous vote. While scouting out the site, one of the bank's financing guys says, "In the end, it's all about trust." I'm sure that particular quote smacked him over the head. Bill's older son seems to have a problem with not hiding the truth and Margene finds out there was more than one vote to get her in. Oh shit, Heather, the older daughter's friend's dad, is a State Trooper.
And now, Margene, is on a double date without realizing it and now she has to talk her way out of it. God, that neighbour lady is so goddamn pushy. And Chad, the date, is an animatronic puppet from Disney and I know it! Nicki is turning into a psychopath, one mood to another within a blink of an eye. However, Bill says, "My emotions are out of control." in the same way he says, "Let's go meet and have sex in a hotel room." Same tone, pitch, and volume. Chad shows up in a downpour, at Margene's door, with flowers. Now he's yapping about a "burning in his bosom". Seriously, he is a freaking puppet. I am now actually terrified of him. With the downpour, part of the roof has collapsed and Roman is conveniently there to ramble about God and family. Now Bill is digging something in the backyard, perhaps a grave. Oh no wait, it's the pit to make a fire for the cooking of 24 lobsters. Nicki has got the best timing on the planet and decides to lay out all her cards while Bill is lighting the fire. The fact that Roman has helped Nicki sends him over the edge. He dumps a tons of charcoal and lighter fluid in the pit and yells at Nicki over the roar of the fire. I have no idea what was said but Nicki took off. Don shows up and tells them that Betty has been blackballed and won't be the fourth wife. No one one this show expresses emotion like a normal person. Now look, I do not eat lobsters, but I would also not buy 24 of them and let them all go to waste. Pull the meat out of those bastards and throw it in the freezer if you have to. I know one of the wives has a freezer! And you definitely don't let them sit outside in trash bags and decide to carry them off in a closed vehicle and LEAVE them in there. Do Mormons have no sense of smell? And hammers are being dropped everywhere.
Bill tracks Nicki down in the mall. Aww. And holy hell she does a fantastic guilt trip and she's back in the family unit and back to the manipulating of Margene. Shelter, my ass, man Nicki knows how to play hardball. 3.4 / 4.0

Shit, okay, I think I'll take it easy on the commentary here. These are getting a bit lengthy. One more comment though, Jeanne Tripplehorn has an oddly shaped upper lip. It looks like it's slighty dented in the middle, while most lips seem to run smoothly or poke out. It's just out of place enough for me to see it everytime I look at her, but it doesn't annoy me. I am sure Ms. Tripplehorn is delighted to hear that.

The Baptism (f.k.a. Margene's Baptism) Bill is pestering his mother for information on someone on the UEB council, trying to get a mole in there. Also, Barb's estranged daughter Cindy is calling to come for a visit. Margene is still taking the vote to heart and is zoning out. For some reason, they let Nicki go shopping for groceries for the baptismal party of.. one of the kids, I guess. Through a conversation with Cindy, it's the younger of Barb's daughter getting baptised in the backyard swimming pool. Okay, this has been mentioned multiple times, Barb was apparently in the hospital for something rather serious. I've no idea what it was. Cindy's a bitch. And Ben's girlfriend has given him a "sex or it's off" ultimatum. Isn't it usually the other way around? The nosy bitch neighbour has reported Nicki to the neighbourhood watch after sending the missionaries to size her up. (Teeny, Barb's youngest, has looked into the camera more than once.) Sychronized ironing should be a sport, it's THAT fascinating. Wanda, Bill's brother's wife, has popped out another child. (Four times in the camera now.) Barb has shipped her kids off to reunite with Barb's original, blood family. Margene, while smoking in the bathroom, is thinking of running away and is soon lamenting marrying Bill.. and Barb.. and "especially Nicki". Bill and Joey, the brother, are trying to talk one into the council into helping them. After a phone call one of the wives leaves the phone purposely off the hook, I suppose so someone could listen in. As they are kicked out, Bill notices the phone.
Nicki "grounds" Margene for smoking in the garage with Teeny, but when she opens the garage door and yells at Margene, that goddamn neighbour watches them like a hawk. Benny relents to his girlfriend's wishes and has awkward, virgin sex. She keeps her bra on and he's done in 15 seconds! If it was even that. Poor boy. Coming home after his "experience", Cindy is running out after a run-in with the ladies, and tells him to always choose the right. Little late for that, lady! Margene wanders over and dumps the neighbour lady and defends Nicki and their way of life. And then I think, Pam, figures it out. Barb tells Bill she wants to leave her kids to the family and not to her sister as is stated in the will. Interrupting this, Bill's mole comes through. Ah, his mole's "dad speech" is giving me chill bumps. Baptismal in the pool party! Margene is adorable and is swiftly dunked in, as well. Benny goes quietly to his room and asks for his virtue back and his forgiveness. 3.5 / 4.0

Where There's a Will This is the second to last episode, I expect them to layer and layer more stuff upon the family for the next two episodes when they leave it hanging until the new season. And there had better be a new season, HBO! You better fucking hear me! My excitement for the show has turned to complete in utter terror as I find out Rhonda (the creeping-singing soon-to-be wife of Roman) is going to be spending Spring Break at Nicki's house. I'm almost tempted to not watch it. They are talking about their wills and which children should go to which with if Bill does or doesn't die. It all seems settled, but soon, Margene is pleading with Barb to allow her to put Barb's name instead of Nicki's; meanwhile, Nicki is seeing a lawyer and having Barb's name taken off the will and putting her own mother and father in that place. I'm sure this will go over well with the family when they get wind of it. And they will. I hope in the next season Nicki will have some actual moments where she's not scheming or lying. It'd be nice to like her for once.
Bill has been asked to be in the Leadership League and his top two workers make their hesitance known. Bill takes this as just another opportunity to prove how good of business they really have. Meanwhile, Barb is having her picture taken for Mother of the Year with only her actual kids, and tries to secret it. Although, as usual, Nicki comes barging in. Through a legal snafu, Margene finds out about Nicki's choice. Barb is literally four seconds from wringing Nicki's neck, as it really could affect her children, as well. (Short story: Nicki's royalling fucking up things. Long story: Barb's kids go to Nicki if her and Bill die. But Nicki changed hers to say that her parents get the kids if she dies, so if Barb and Nicki died, all of their kids would go to Nicki's parents. If Margene dies, her kids go to Barb instead of Nicki, but if Barb dies, then Nicki, all her kids would go to the compound, as well.)
Benny gets caught feeling up his girlfriend, who had apparently been stalking him as he would not talk to her after the 15 second love-fest. Margene tells on Benny and it's starts a whole value thing with Nicki. And the stick up her ass seems to be that Barb goes to work and doesn't "tend her chicks". And you just know she wants something, she's so determined about it. Just when you think it can't get any more uncomfortable, goddamn Rhonda pops in. I hate that little girl! This episode is going to be negatively rated here pretty soon. Speaking of negatively rated, why do all the women on this show, sans Nicki, wear bras during sex? The Poly Mafia has started using Hummers instead of Monster Trucks. Rhonda has failed whatever it she was going for, entry into a Drama Competion. Upon a reassurance that she lost, she kicks the announcer in the leg.
After Nicki oddly tells Margene that she will be leaving her kids to them, Margene admits she was sending her kids to Barb. Margene is goddamn adorable when she asks Nicki for a hug. The leader of the Leadership League is now espousing Bill for qualities he has kept hidden from them. Music plays, so I am sure that was something we were supposed to pay attention. We realize in the next scene Nicki is with Bill and Nicki is being whiny about second wife and then, hilariously, flushes the toilet while Bill's in the shower. I wish our house still did that.
Heather, the state trooper's daughter, is trying to get Rhonda into some sort of program to stop her from being a wife so young, to a man so old. At Bill's office, Wendy, goddamn Wendy, is snooping around as usual and finds the Henrickson Wills.. all of them. She is jotting down notes when he appears. Bill starts making calls and asks Don if he and his wives would take Barb and Nicki's kids when they all die. I guess Margene's kids go into a PO Box or something. We now knows that Barb had cancer. In the backyard, Margene is getting serious about making her part of the backyard a lawn. And no she has passed out on the grass portion. During all this, Bill is shipping his mole off to protect him after Roman's PolyThugs beat him up a bit and took away his wives.
We're left to the news of Margene's impending baby. Wendy's making some sort of Mormon flowchart and spastically circling the name Roman Grant. She looks a tad frazzled and I hope she crashes in to a tree.
When I made the bra comment before, I was also wondering if we had seen a scene with Margene and Bill. I am still not sure, but they are apparently having sex somehow considering Marge's position. It almost feels like they will be able to wrap things up next Sunday, but I hope they do leave some cliffhangers. I love those! And I didn't take a point for Rhonda as she was put in her place and I enjoyed that. 3.0 / 4.0

The Ceremony (f.k.a. A Family Outing) I put off watching this episode because I knew it would be the last new one for quite a while and as I said before, I'm not really interested in watching the re-runs of it. It makes me wonder if it is better to look forward to a new season or just wait until it's all over and done and watch a huge marathon of the series. It's too late now, of course. So here is the last episode and if it's seems I am bitter, it's because I am.
Ah man, I have missed the theme song. I still don't think Bill Paxton is capable of showing any sort of emotion. He's ranting about taking down Roman while owning a seat on the Poly-Mafia's council. Oh God, that damned Rhonda girl is back. This is the last episode, why are they torturing me? She is asking Nicki and Margene why they weren't picked as Mother of the Year, perhaps something was lacking in their character. Margene gets offended while Nicki goes about making breakfast and thinking of ways to hide Rhonda's body. If next season is just filled with crap about Margene's pregnancy/postpartum depression, I will, in retaliation, drown the first infant I see. And why is Barb inviting Rhonda to stay at the house? I'll just assume she has gone completely batshit insane. Speaking of batshit insane, Joey's wife has poisoned Roman's son/lackey with a cup full of antifreeze. What a charming lady.
Wendy is doing the "I'm so upset, I don't know what to do. So I'll just dance around a little." move while throwing her trash away. I don't know why, but I really like the character of Bill's mom. She is particularly sassy in this episode. In a particularly weird segue, we find out that Joey's wife was the one who poisoned Bill's father (also with antifreeze), not his mother as everyone seemed to suspect. Meanwhile, Barb is practicing her Mother of the Year speech when Nicki walks in and tells Barb that she, perhaps, shouldn't stay in the running considering she is living a multitude of lies about her actual family. In a bid to cover up the poisoning, Bill is rallying the troops to get their stories straight before the law or Roman come knocking on his door. I can totally see this one turning out well. I have figured out you can tell how evil a person is by the amount of Bedazzler jewels they have on their clothing. This makes Rhonda only one level above Satan himself. I always figured country-bumpkins would be more prone to threatening, "I'm gonna kill ya!" rather than, "You must be eradicated!" I wonder if next season they'll try to work in "I cut you, mang!" I can see Rhonda screaming this while Roman is trying to um, seal her wifely deal. Anyway, after threating Bill with eradication and Bill practically blackmailing him, Roman stomps his feet, takes his ball and walks out.
While heading out for the awards banquet, Joey calls to tell Bill that the police are now questioning him and his wife. Bill tells him to stick to the story and proceeds to the banquet. Wendy also shows up with Bill looking at her suspiciously. Is it okay that I want to punch her in the face? I hope so, because I do. A lot. Actually, anyone who sticks their snout into someone's business that has nothing to do with them deserves a swift punch to the nose. Right before the announcement of the winner, the first lady is called to the side with a lot of whispering. Nicki and Margene are out on a date because the governor only sent them four tickets instead of the six that was requested and needed. Among the whispering, Barb admits to being a polygamist and they work out a lie to disqualify her. Goddamn Wendy and her goddamn whore-face! Nicki and Margene are having a good time, until Sarah calls. The smile quickly vanishes from Nicki's face. Everyone rushes to Barb's side. The shit has hit the fan big time. Where's your God now Bill, huh, where? Maybe God has a bunch of wives too and he has to keep them satisfied so he has absolutely no time to listen to your prayers. Leave a message at the tone.
This episode didn't seem as noteworthy as the other episodes. It wasn't bad, but it was lacking some of the charm and family togetherness that I found amusing in previous episodes. Of course, being the last episode of the season, I suppose they're working out some of the loose threads and killing off the characters they no longer are interested in writing for. I wouldn't mind Roman's son/lackey dying. I can only handle so many whining, incompetant weasels running about Utah. Knock it off. The real disappointment though was the cliffhangers they left lingering. It was probably the most predictable plot device ever used when someone in a show is hiding a secret from the normal population. So yeah, not the best episode, not the most memorable, but it was interesting enough. 2.5 / 4.0

I really like this show. The story is really only a slight twist from normal family dramas, but it was interesting enough for me to be drawn in by episode 2 or so. Can they really stretch this premise over six seasons as is the rumour? Despite my feelings for the show, I just cannot see how they'd get five more seasons from this. I guess they could fill up episodes with dream sequences and sex. The one thing I do hope for in later seasons is hopefully getting a lot more backstory about how Bill met his three wives and what really drew them to each other. Did Barb have a problem with Bill's polygamy because of her staunch upbringing? Considering what we know of Nicki, how the hell did she convince Barb to agree to let her marry Bill? They'll probably also dwell on Bill's father and Bill's attempt at forcing an uprise at the Ol' Poly-Pokey. I guess there is enoough material there, it's a matter of how well they write the stories, I suppose.
The thing that really stuck out during this entire season is the acting of quite a few of the main characters in Big Love. Remember, Bruce Dern is a corpose and Bill Paxton is a robot, but I am still wondering why most of the actors have no inflection in their voice. Their orgasm face is exactly like their I-broke-the-dishwasher face. Also, not one person in the entire cast is capable of pulling off a crying scene. You get the wrinkled-up face and the sniffling, the face burying and the hand over the mouth, but absolutely no tears. So I suggest to the director to show up on the set with an animal that looks exactly like the actors' beloved childhood pet and then kill it. This takes care of two problems: One, if they cry, you have great crying/sad footage. Two, if they don't cry, they are robots and you can have them deactivated and replaced with an actual actor. I'm talking to you, Dern and Paxton! I really hope Big Love has continued success without "jumping the shark" like so many shows out there have done. It was a good first season, at least and I will keep that close to my heart.

The overall average for the entire season is below. Remember, it's an average of the aired episodes, not the upcoming DVD set. In this particular case, I think the overall score should be a little higher than the average (I would have given it a 3.2 or so.), but it's easier using a more "scientific" process.

2.8 / 4.0

.. Posted by Anj Kay